A Permanent Assignment
by PrattlingPrincess
Summary: Twelve kids. One spy father who's currently MIA. MI6 feels guilty, so they assign an SAS unit to the family as bodyguards. Guess who. How will this family survive each other? Eagle and Fox giving homework help? And can four men keep twelve kids safe?
1. Moving In

It was hot. Normally, according to the captain, it wasn't this hot in April.

Like that made them feel any better.

The temperature when they woke up (at five in the morning) had been a chilly fifty degrees. Now, at two in the afternoon, it was pushing ninety.

All in all, Wolf wasn't happy. But that wasn't just because of the weather, oh no, it took more than bad weather to piss Wolf off. No, the majority of Wolf's agression was due to his fellow SAS operative, Leech. Yep, his codename was Leech. Gives you an idea of what kind of guy we're dealing with, doesn't it?

Wolf's teammates, Eagle, Fox, and Snake, weren't any happier with Leech than Wolf was. They all thought that somebody had made a horrible mistake during the man's training, and put him in charge a unit way before he was ready. Leech was young.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. I myself am quite young, and don't have anything against that particular condition. The problem was, that promoting Leech not only so young in his career, but so young in his life period, had really gone straight to his head.

As a result, Leech thought of himself as quite a bit better than the other soldiers, particularly the other unit leaders. He went out of his way to be an ass. Those who didn't accept him as brilliant and leave it at that got it particularly bad. And when has anybody heard of Wolf bowing down and worshiping young hot shots? That's what I thought.

The point to all this is to set the stage for the incident that's about to explode in Wolf's life. Let me tell you, this explosion will be loud, and noisy, but who knows what dear Wolf will find among the rubble, eh?

So, at the moment that this story begins, Wolf is sitting in his tent along with his team, being angry. They happened to have a bit of free time, so they were lounging about... as much as soldiers can lounge about while at war, anyway. That's right, this particular SAS unit is in Iraq right now, along with quite a few other units.

Snake was reading a letter from home, Eagle and Fox were playing cards, and Wolf was being angry, when the captain walked through the door. the four soldiers stood up quickly, coming to attention as if they'd been born in that position.

"I need to Wolf in my quartes right away," he practically barked, and then immediately turned around and left the tent. Eagle, Snake, and Fox glanced at each other, perplexed, as Wolf followed the captain out. The captain led Wolf into his quarters, where Wolf found another unit leader, Lion, standing there with (figures) Leech.

The captain turned to all three of them. "I just got a set of orders from London. Apparently there's some sort of high-profile cover up that MI6 is dealing with," Wolf's stomach involuntarily clenched at the mention of MI6 "and they need a team of bodyguards to take care of the mess. They've asked for the best, and I picked you three. Only one of you will be taking you unit to London. Which one should it be?" There was a moment of silence.

The captain studied the faces of the three leaders in front of him. Lion, a man only a few years from SAS retirement, was calm and considering. He'd done dozens of assignments so far, and would take this one like any other. His team was steady-headed and experienced.

Leech's young face was so obviously arrogant and greedy that the captain didn't want to look long. Despite the personality setbacks, Leech was good, there was no denying it. And his team, though green, was talented.

Wolf's dark face was watchful, and the captain realized that he too was studying the faces of his fellow unit leaders. Wolf was, while less experienced than Lion, a much more reliable operative than Leech.

But this case was weird. The captain wasn't giving it to any team based on ability alone. There had to be some sort of interest, or it simply wouldn't work.

"Who's the principal?" Lion asked respectfully. The captain glanced at him, forcing his face to remain blank, despite the sudden urge to burst out laughing.

"Some hot-shot MI6 man's kids. Twelve of them. And their parents are around."

The faces of the soldiers went from curious to stunned.

Twelve kids?

Kids?

Twelve of them???

By themselves!?!?

Lion already knew that his middle-aged team wasn't up to that. Leech was slightly horrified, but he knew that an assignment this difficult would earn lots of praise, and Leech liked praise.

Wolf, ironically, couldn't stop thinking of Cub. He'd barely dealt with spending ten days with one kid, and he wasn't even responsible for that one. This job would include him being in charge of twelve Cubs. Granted, they probably wouldn't have quite the same talent for trouble as Cub, but _still_!

Lion cleared his throat. "Sir, I don't think my unit's quite up to raising a family at this point, so I'm requesting that I not be assigned the job..." Lion gave a half smile at the akward wording, a smile that the Captain surprisingly returned. "Very well, Lion, you may return to your unit."

That left Leech and Wolf. Wolf hadn't moved, but Leech kept shifting his weight. "Is there a problem, Leech?" the captain demanded.

"No sir." Leech replied quickly.

"How about you, Wolf?"

"None, sir" Wolf said cooly.

"Well, it's down to the two of you. How about your unit, Leech, do you think they could handle an assignment like this?"

Leech nodded at once. "Yes, sir, I'm sure my unit could control a group of kids." For the first time the captain saw real emotion pass over Wolf's face.

"You're not there to _control_ them, Leech, you're there to _protect_ them." he practically growled.

The captain smirked, ever so slightly. He'd picked which unit to send to London.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere in London, eleven kids were currently unpacking their lives into the new house that MI6 had provided them with. As if their lives could get any more hectic.

The Cooper kids were actually thirteen in number, but the oldest, Reuben had moved out of the family home a year and a half ago. It had been decided that he didn't need protection, but it was suggested that he be careful and keep in regular contact with his siblings.

After twenty year old Reuben came the eighteen year old twins, Sim (short for Simeon) and Levi. After those two came the seventeen year old Jude. Then came sixteen year old Dinah, the only daughter. After Dinah came sixteen year old Danny, fifteen year old Oscar, and fourteen year old Cody. Then came twelve year old Asher, ten year old George, eight year old Aaron, five year old Joey, and three year old Ben. How, you may ask, can one woman give birth to thirteen kids?

Well, I don't think she can.

Reuben, Sim, Levi, Jude, George and Aaron were the products of Jacob Cooper's first wife. Dinah, Danny, and Oscar were the results of Jacob Cooper's first affair. Cody and Asher were the result of Jacob Cooper's second affair. Finally, Joey and Ben were the result of Jacob Cooper's second wife. Jacob Cooper was a very busy man.

Jacob Cooper was most likely dead.

He'd disappeared out of thin air two weeks ago. When some boring looking lady introducing herself as Mrs. Jones arrived at the Cooper house, he had already been gone ten days. Mrs. Jones explained to the older half of the Cooper brood that Jacob worked for MI6 as a consultant and information gatherer. Not so much a spy in the James Bond sense, but someone who kept their eyes and ears open and reported what they observed back to people who would actually do something about it.

When Jacob Cooper disappeared in the middle of a job "investigating" an American businessman, MI6 was quick to fear the worst. Of course, having worked with MI6 for over twenty years, Jacob Cooper knew quite a bit about the organization. So, just in case Jacob Cooper was still alive, and the people holding him were in need of leverage (sudden flash of Johnny Depp), MI6 decided to put his children under SAS protection.

Just in case.

That was why the moving vans were bullet proof, and all the men helping the family carry the furniture and boxes into the houses looked like something out of a FBI catalogue.

Dinah Cooper wasn't sure whether to be grateful or disgusted. Grateful because MI6 was putting in a lot of effort to keep herself and her brothers safe. Disgust because MI6 were reason they weren't.

"Asher, the stuff in that box is breakable, can't you read the label?" she called ahead to the twelve year old.

"All it says is 'Handle with Care', Di. What am I supposed to do, ask it's permission before I pick it up?" he shot back.

Dinah sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Just don't drop, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah..."

Dinah winced as she heard the unmistakable sounds of something cracking behind her.

"Oscar, _please_ tell me that wasn't the chair." she said without turning around to face the fifteen year old.

"Okay, Di, it wasn't the chair."

Dinah stepped in front of Levi, who was walking the opposite way, out of the house, to grab another box. "Did Asher drop the box with the dishes in it?" she asked him.

Levi grinned. "_Relax_, Di, everything's going to be fine." he told her, then continued on his way.

"How do you know that?" Dinah called, turning her head over her shoulder. As she took another step, still watching her eighteen year old brother, she felf herself walk into somebody else. She bounced back, and would have dropped the box of breakable glasses, if whoever she'd walked into hadn't grabbed hold of it first.

"You know, Di, you should really watch where you're going" Sim said, still holding onto the box, his grin identical to Levi's, if not a bit more devious.

"Thank you" Dinah muttered drily.

"Really, Di, these things are breakable." he continued, handed her the box, and followed his twin, still grinning.

Dinah hated MI6.

* * *

Later that night, at around eight in the evening, the Cooper kids had just finished dinner, and were almost done with the major unpacking. Of course, that really just meant that the furniture was in the right place, and the boxes were sitting in their respective rooms.

By the way, the layout of the house went like this: On the first floor, the front door opened into an entryway. Through a doorway to the left was the kitchen. Through a second doorway in the kitchen you could reach the living room, which doubled as a dining room. Back in the entryway, if you took the doorway to the right, you'd find yourself in a hallway with two doors on one side, and one on the other..

All three of these doors led to bedrooms, and the pair of adjacent bedrooms shared a bathroom between them. The first bedroom on the left belonged to Sim, Levi, and Jude. The second door on the left belonged to Asher, George, and Aaron. The door on the right led to a room that MI6 had requested be left empty for the bodyguards. At the end of the hall was a spiral staircase that led to the second story.

Upstairs the stairs led to a hallway much like the one below. There were two doors on each side, and a fifth door at the end of the hall. The first door on the right led to Joey and Ben's room. The second door on the right belonged to Danny, Oscar, and Cody's room. The door at the end of the hall was also left empty for bodyguards. The far door on the left led to Dinah's room, and the closest door on the left led to an extra room that would serve as a sort of "lounge" for the kids.

Anyway, the twelve kids, ranging from toddler to teen, were sitting in the living room. The television had been plugged in, but they hadn't had cable installed yet, so they were only getting two channels. That left their entertainment choices at the news (where every other word would have to be explained to all siblings under thirteen) or some sixties game show. They chose the gameshow.

The living room was furnished with two couches, a loveseat, and an armchair. At some point during their existence, the Cooper kids had unknowingly assigned eachother living room "spots". This meant that everyone alway sat in the same spot whenever they were in the living room.

Asher and Ben always squished into the armchair, Asher being uncharacteristically careful with his three year old brother. Dinah and Joey would sit smashed between Sim and Levi on the older of the two couches. Jude took the newer couch, along with Cody, Danny, and Oscar. That left George and Aaron on the loveseat. They had learned a long time ago how to make twelve fit.

* * *

So, they were all sitting there, not really watching the show, but pretending to, Jude making the occassionally inappropriate comment about a female contestant that only a third of the others understood.

Then, there was a knock at the door.

Dinah untangled herself from Joey and Sim and went to answer it. She opened the door, not really realizing how cold and wet it was until the weather hit her in the entryway.

When she opened the door, she froze.

Standing in front of her were four guys that looked like they'd just walked out of "Saving Private Ryan", complete with combat boots and stubble. Suddenly Dinah felt very small. Even the shortest, who was standing in front, gave off an air of tallness.

Maybe it was natural leadership.

Maybe it was experience.

Or maybe it had something to do with the gun tucked into his waistband.

Either way, Dinah just barely had the sense to call for Sim and Levi (without turning her head).

"Hey, Di, what's the..." Sim trailed off as he got a look at the four guys that were still standing outside in the rain.

_"Whoah."_ Levi muttered behind him.

"Who are you?" Sim said, managing to sound calm, if not a little annoyed, and a lot confused.

Of course, it was at this moment that Mrs. Jones walked up behind them, apparently from a black car sitting in the driveway.

"These are your bodyguards. May we come in, before we become completely soaked?" she asked crisply.


	2. Routines

Disclaimer: I do not own "K" Unit, or MI6... but man would that be cool!

* * *

Wolf awoke at five the next morning, as usual. Eagle was snoring softly on his bed on the other end of the room. It was odd not sharing a room with his entire team. In the end they'd ended up flipping coins to deside who'd bunk with who.

Wolf pulled on a t shirt and a pair of jeans and grabbed his shoes, quietly slipping out of the room. He and Eagle were on the second floor, with Snake and Fox below them. They'd also flipped a coin to decide that.

Outside in the hall, Wolf paused and listened for a moment. It had been a long time since he'd woken up in such a crowded house, and he half expected to hear the unmistakable sounds of underaged chaos coming out of every room. Instead, there was silence. Well, almost. Wolf could still hear Eagle snoring from inside their room. He closed the door behind him, and the sound was muffled a bit.

Then he heard sounds coming from downstairs.

A little curious, a little tense, and still a little sleepy, Wolf quietly went down the stairs, avoiding the squeaky step he'd discovered the night before. Walking down the hall, he heard a younger version of Eagle coming out of one of the bedrooms to his right, meaning it wasn't Fox or Snake. Of course, Wolf knew that neither of them snored, having been sharing a tent with them for almost a year.

More sounds, coming from the kitchen.

Wolf relaxed a bit when he realized the sounds were coming from pots banging together, but didn't relax completely until he walked through the doorway and found it was only the girl.

She was bent over one of the packing boxes, trying to slip a pan out from under a pile of more pots and pans, without making too much noise. She didn't seem to be doing a very good job, but at least she was trying.

She finally got her pan, and turned around to put it on the stove, and saw Wolf standing there in the doorway. She jumped back and dropped the pan in surprise. The pan smashed to the ground, making so much noise that Wolf would have been disappointed if it didn't wake up every member of his team.

"_Shit_" the girl muttered to herself, then bent over and picked the pan back up.

"Sorry," she said to Wolf. "I'm a little jumpy in the mornings. Probably because I'm the only one that wakes up before seven. Except Cody, but he goes running, so I never actually see him."

Wolf just nodded. He was racking his brain, trying to remember the girl's name. It should be easy, since she was the only one. He wasn't even going to think about what he would do when the boys started waking up.

Wolf was very bad with names.

The girl seemed to guess the reason for his silence, or maybe she thought it would be safe to start this way.

"I'm Dinah. Which one are you?"

Wolf smirked, just a bit. She was blunt enough to save time, but not quite rude. A fine line to toe, but she seemed to do it well.

"I'm Wolf."

Dinah nodded. "Okay, Wolf. I don't know what you guys normally do in the morning, but here's our normal routine."

She handed him a handwritted schedule that outlined what everybody did and where in the morning, with times rounded to the neares quarter hour. It was detailed, telling Wolf when each kid woke up, got ready, ate, and left the house. He wondered if Mrs. Jones had suggested it.

If not, he was really impressed.

"You're ahead of schedule" he noted to Dinah absently.

She smiled as she started mixing batter for pancakes.

"You're forgetting that everybody's stuff is packed up into boxes. I figured that since everyone will be running around searching for homework and shoes and such, I'd just have breakfast ready early. Anyone who has time to eat can eat. Tomorrow it'll be better."

Wolf nodded. Since Dinah seemed to pretty much be in charge, he figured he'd say this to her.

"So, in terms of what my team will be doing all day. Since you're not high-risk, we don't have to actually be standing next to you all the time, which is good. But, we need to be in at least the same general area, if not within sight of you, all the time."

"Which means..."

"Which means if you're home, there will be at least one of us also in the house. If you're at school, one of us will be parked in the parking lot or something. If you're grocery shopping, one of us will be tagging along... You get it."

Dinah nodded. "Well, the twelve of us are conveniently split up into four schools, so that shouldn't be a problem. We also happen to get to school in four different ways. Jude and Levi drive Ben and Joey to their school. Sim and I drive Danny and Oscar to our school. Cody and Asher bike to their middle school, and George and Aaron take the bus to their school. Do you guys have cars?"

Wolf nodded. "We have two that MI6 lent us."

Dinah nodded. "Then two of you could follow our cars, one of you could take the bus, and one of you could bike, if that works out for you."

Wolf nodded again. This wasn't turning out to be so difficult after all...

* * *

An hour and a half later, Wolf found the chaos that he had been expecting earlier.

Half the children were eating breakfast, only a quarter of them were using forks or plates, and the other half was running around in varying stages of panic, searching for lost supplies.

Dinah alone seemed calm, and the boys seemed to think that that meant she knew everything.

"Hey Di, have you seen my gym bag?" called one of the older boys. He had black hair, blue eyes, and an athletic build.

"I don't know, is it in your room?" Dinah called back, helping a small boy with brown hair and brown eyes fit his lunch bag into his backpack.

"Dinah, where'd you the box with the photo albums?" another, slightly younger boy asked. He also had black hair and blue eyes, but was rather skinny.

"Why?" Dinah asked as she handed one of the twins another pancake. The twins both had dark brown hair and honey colored eyes.

"I think my algebra homework in there." the skinny boy replied, looking nervous.

So far, the only other name Wolf could remember was Joey's. That was only because the five year old had come down stairs at seven, walked right up to Wolf, and announced.

"I'm Joey, and I'm five years old!"

Wolf had blinked, and responded (rather lamely) "That's nice."

The kid had been following him around ever since. Wolf would have been annoyed, but the boy's random introductions was actually helping him learn the names.

"...That's Levi, he's eighteen... Cody's fourteen, and he likes karate. Do you like karate?" Wolf grunted in responce, and Joey went right back into his little monologue. "Jude's the captain of the soccer team, and he's seventeen. Ben's only three, but he has funny dreams. And Danny makes really good sgabetti"

"You mean spagetti."

"Right, sgabetti. I love sgabetti, don't you?"

"Sure, kid."

* * *

At 7:45, Snake took one of the cars and followed Levi and Jude as they drove Joey and Ben to their kindergarten/preschool. Snake would stay with the two youngest kids.

At the same time, Fox took the bus with Cody and Asher. The two middleschoolers had agreed to take the bus until Fox could get a bike to follow them with.

Fifteen minutes later, Eagle took another bus with George and Aaron, and was assigned to stay near their primary school with them.

And Wolf took the second car to follow Sim, Dinah, Danny, and Oscar to their highschool. He would stick around there, until all six Cooper highschoolers got out. Normally, he would recommend two agents for six kids, but he assummed that they wouldn't be in too much trouble in their own school, and he didn't have any more agents to spare.

Before they had left, Dinah had come up to Wolf.

"Today everybody's just coming home after school, to simplify things until we get everyone organized. Normally, though, we have jobs and sports and stuff. I don't know how you want to deal with this, so I made another schedule for you." She handed him an afternoon version of the morning schedule. "I figured it would give you something to do while we're in school." she added, and got into her car.

Now, Wolf glanced at the schedules. It was going to be a little more complicated than the mornings. Cody had karate every day from three to five. Jude had soccer from three to six. Sim, Levi, and Danny all worked at a pizza place from three to five thirty. Danny worked a cash register, but Sim and Levi were both delivery boys. Dinah and the rest of the kids went straight home and stayed there.

Wolf finally decided what to do. Fox would go with Cody to take Asher home, then he would go with Cody to his karate lessons. Snake would follow Dinah and Oscar as they picked Joey and Ben up and took them home. She would be on her own from her school to theirs, but that couldn't be helped. Eagle would see George and Aaron home, but would then double back and stay at Jude's practice. Wolf would follow Sim Levi and Danny to their job. He decided that he'd have a talk with the twins, and figure out a system for when they were delivering a pizza.

All in all, things were falling together nicely. Dinah had added in the schedule that usually, Danny would make dinner after he came home from work, meaning that on most nights they ate at around six thirty or seven.

* * *

Wolf sat in his car in front of Stirling High from 8:30 until 2:30. Luckily, he'd expected a long wait (duh, he was supposed to wait there all day) and so he brought a little "light reading".

Jacob Cooper's files.

There was his main personnel file, of course, and then a seperate file for every operation he'd participated in. Of course, by "participated" it meant he'd provided information on someone involved.

All together he had thirty-two files.

Getting the files hadn't been easy. Well, actually, it'd been easy for Wolf, but not for the one who actually stole the files from MI6.

You see, Wolf wanted to make sure that he was getting the real files, and not the "digest" version that MI6 would have given him had he asked. So, he called in a favor.

Yep, Alex Rider.

When the Captain had told Wolf that his team was getting the job, Wolf had immediately put an emergency call through to London. He'd scribbled Cub's phone number inside his field manual after a job they'd pulled together in Bangladesh a few months ago. The fifteen year old was actually happy to help, although to getting to that had been a little akward.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Hello?" a woman's voice answered the phone.

"Hi, is this Alex Rider's phone?"

"...Yes. Who is this?"

"This is, uh..." What should he say?

"Well, this is Wolf."

"Wolf? The bully from training?"

Wolf sighed. Whoever said that good deeds were more memorable than bad really didn't know what they were talking about.

"Yes. And the one who saved his life less than a year later."

"Oh, right. I remember you. Not that I ever met you, but you know what I mean..."

"Is Cub there?"

"Yes he is."

"... ... ... Can I talk to him?"

"Oh! Yeah, sure, here he is. in the background Alex! Phone for you!"

There was a pause, then the woman was back.

"He's on his way. So, how's the elite soldier business?"

"Um... fine?"

"That's nice. You're not going to drag Alex away for a month again, are you?"

"I don't think so, no"

"Oh, good, because if you'd said yes, then I'd have to be mean to you, and I hate being mean this early in the morning. Usually, I have to-"

There was Alex's voice in the background.

"Jack, what are you doing?"

"Talking."

"Give me the phone! Who is it, anyway?"

"A guy..."

"...Hello?" That was Alex.

"Hey Cub."

"Wolf! What's going on?"

"I need a favor..."

_**END FLASHBACK**_

* * *

Wolf spend his day pouring over those files, highlighting and making notes wherever he found what might be a potential threat to the kids. By the time school was out, the list was up to fifty-six.

Oh, well, it was a start.


	3. Rumors and The Folder

There was something about highschool. Some sort of magical device that made it possible for news to travel and become well-known by everybody in a matter of hours.

Like when a new song comes out. One day, nobody's even heard it, and the next day, everybody has memorized the words, has bought the CD, and is obsessed with the band/artist/person.

Of course, another example would be rumors.

Rumors suck.

"Hey Cooper, heard you now live with a total of fifteen guys. Sure you aren't gonna share?" some bitchy blonde called across the hall to Dinah before homeroom even started.

That was the fifth comment she'd received concerning her newest roommates.

Dinah wasn't happy. Not at all.

She spotted Sim and Levi standing at their lockers and practically crushed some froshman walking over to them.

"Who told?" she growled, without a 'hello' or anything.

"That would be Jude" Levi replied, looking a little grim.

"What?!?!" Dinah practically screeched. A couple people in the hall glanced over at her, then began whispering amongst themselves. Sim and Levi, being seniors (and hot senior twins at that), therefor carrying a little weight in the intimidation department, sent the more obvious gossip-mongerers a glare or two, then turned back to Dinah.

"Well, apparently he thought it was 'totally cool' and told a couple guys from the soccer team." Sim started.

"Who also thought it was 'totally cool' and so told a couple of their friends..." Levi continued.

"I'm sure you know how this works" Sim finished.

"I'm gonna kill him."

* * *

By the end of that first week, the Cooper kids were officially labeled as "Hot", "Weird", "'Totally Cool'", or "All of the following" - depending on which kid you were talking about, and who you were talking too.

Of course, the poor Cooper 12 had no control over the "Hot" thing - except to buy clothes that made them look more or less hot.

The "Weird" thing was just because of the four grown men living with them - none of which were related to the Coopers themselves.

The rumors had escelated - as rumors do - until they'd simply collapsed on top of themselves.

In this way, the story had gone from the truth (Four military bodyguards 'cause their dad was in trouble) to far away from the truth (four military soldiers that were guarding the kids because they were all lethaly dangerous) to even farther from the truth (the kids were superspies, and the four soldiers were lethally dangerous) to totally and completely not the truth (the guards were holding the kids hostage, but - for some reason that was never explained in the rumors - were letting them continue with their daily lives while the government gathered their ransom).

Now it was generally agreed by the student body that Mr. Cooper had run off with (yet again) another bride, had left the kids penniless, and now they had to rent their extra rooms out to four guys who were unusually fit.

Dinah had kept pretty true to her word concerning Jude. As soon as she found him that night at home, she screamed at him so loud that all four SAS agents came barging into the room, guns bared, scaring the shit out of Dinah and giving the younger boys a good show.

After that little exhibit, Dinah put her revenge on hold, for the sake of the bodyguards's nerves. George and Aaron had taken to stalking around the house carrying bottles of windex and weilding them like 007.

Then, Friday morning, Dinah had "accidentally" forgotten to tell Jude that she'd used real milk in the pancakes instead of soy milk.

Jude was allergic to milk.

Lucky Snake had to deal with it when Jude pulled his car over halfway to school so he could puke into somebody's rose bush. Nobody else seemed much interested in helping him. Joey and Ben were in their car seats, yelling "Gross!" at the top of their lungs.

Levi calmly told his very sick brother that he deserved it.

Snake's teammates were more sympathetic towards Snake than Jude. Loyalty to your team, after all, was their number one rule. It was odd seeing the punishment being played out by kids, though.

"I don't know about you guys, but when my brother pissed me off, I just punched him a few times" Fox said Friday night.

"Well... I kissed my older brother's girlfriend one time at a party... but come to think of it, I don't think that was really revenge..." Eagle replied, staring off into the distance as if he were trying to remember that night.

"Anything?" Snake asked helpfully.

"Naw, I was so drunk I can't remember it anymore. Too bad, 'cause she was hot..."

"Anyway," Fox continued, giving Eagle a reproachful look, "making your brother violently sick because he told a couple friends some not-so-public knowledge seems sorta..."

* * *

"Harsh?" asked a voice from the doorway.

All four (fully trained, and experienced) soldiers jumped in their seats. Dinah walked into the room.

"It was more the circumstances, and less the act, that were the point of my pay-back." she explained.

"What do you..." Fox asked. Dinah interrupted him.

"Jude knew I wanted everyone to keep you guys as much of a secret as possible. Just like I know that Jude's lactose intolerant. Plus, he suddenly getting sick halfway to school is about as much of a nasty shock as having three fourths of your school gossiping about you before you even get to your first class, with absolutely no warning at all."

"Oh." Eagle said. The others were silent, thinking about what the girl had said.

Dinah handed each bodyguard a folder.

"What's in here?" Wolf asked her.

"Well, I figure you guys will never get everyone's names right without a little help. I had nothing to do in study hall today, so I made these."

Inside the folders were halp-page 'quick facts' on each of the Cooper children, including age, mother (there's four, remember?), school, top three friends, physical description (and picture), hobbies, and preferred nickname. There was also a hand drawn map of the house, whith each room labeled to show who slept where.

"Wow, this is even better than the schedule..." Wolf muttered as he flipped through the folder.

"What schedule?" Eagle asked.

"Oh, that's right," Wolf said, looking up again. "We have a schedule."

"What made you decide we needed these?" Snake asked, smiling. Dinah smiled back.

"Well, after you got Ben and Jude mixed up, I figured you were in trouble."

"Which one's..." Fox started to ask. Dinah cut him off. Again.

"It's all in the file, but let's just say there's a thirteen year difference."

**

* * *

It was ten o'clock. Still Friday night. Most of the kids were either in bed or doing something quiet in their bedrooms. Wolf was sitting in the room he shared with Eagle, memorizing the folder that Dinah had given him. Downstairs, he could just barely hear Eagle arguing with Jude over a soccer game. Snake and Fox were in their rooms, probably memorizing their own folders.**

HERE'S A SHORT VERSION OF THE FOLDER. IT HELPS YOU VISUALIZE THE CHARACTERS IF YOU READ IT, BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO , JUST SKIP DOWN TO THE NEXT CAPITALIZED A/N

Kid #1 - Reuben Cooper (doesn't live here, in case you haven't noticed)

-age 20 (birthday is May 17)

-Mother is Leah Hulbert (first wife)

-doesn't go to school, but works... most of the time

-best friends are Sam Winwar and Eddie Yasir; Stacy Elliot is his on-again off-again girlfriend

-black hair and blue eyes, pretty tall

-no real hobbies, other than hanging out

-no nickname

Kid #2 - Simeon Cooper - Twin A

-age 18 (birthday is September 1)

-Mother is Leah Hulbert

-Senior in highschool

-best friends are Zoe Jinks (who I think he has a crush on, but he won't admit it), Atarah Stolarz, and Eli Johnson

-dark brown hair and honey colored eyes; tall, but filling out

-BEWARE! His favorite hobby is pranking the unsuspecting

-only his mother calls him Simeon, to everyone else he's Sim

Kid #3 - Levi Cooper - Twin B

-age 18 (birthday is September 1)

-Mother is Leah Hulbert

-Senior in highschool

-best friends are Zoe Jinks, Atarah Stolarz, and Eli Johnson

-dark brown hair and honey colored eyes; tall, but filling out

-BEWARE! His favorite hobby is ALSO pranking the unsuspecting

-no nickname

Kid #4 - Jude Cooper

-age 17 (birthday is October 28)

-Mother is Leah Hulbert

-Junior in highschool

-best friends are Parker Hipp and Brad Sendto (SPECIAL NOTE: Jude 'hates' Courtney Allaway... me thinks he doth protest too much...

-black hair and blue eyes; has the whole movie star look going

-he's constantly... and I mean constantly playing soccer

-no nickname (although Maggie Fisher did routinely refer to him as 'Giggle-butt' when they were dating, but we don't talk about that)

Kid #5 - Dinah Cooper (me)

-age 16 (birthday is February 24)

-Mother is Bella Sloah (first affair)

-Sophomore in highschool

-best friends are Violet Cunningham and Shiori Chinen

-black hair and grey eyes; I guess I'd be 'slim'... I'm the only girl, if you can't figure out which one I am, then too bad

-my 'hobby' would be taking care of everybody else, I guess... I do love movies, though

-some call me 'Di', but that's really more of a pet-name than a nick-name, you know?

Kid #6 - Danny Cooper

-age 15 (birthday is January 3)

-Mother is Bella Sloah

-Sophomore in highschool - skipped third grade cuz he's a nerd :)

-best friends are Derek Velasquez, Aurora Peace, and Gladys Hurst

-black hair and grey eyes; still in that lanky phase

-he's the quiet one, usually reading or studying or cooking or something

-no nickname

Kid #7 - Oscar Cooper

-age 14 (birthday is February 3)

-Mother is Bella Sloah

-Froshman in highschool

-best friend is Allie Viera (I swear they're going to end up married)

-black hair and blue eyes; pretty tall, hasn't filled out yet

-he loves poetry... and I swear if any of you make fun of him for it, I'll kick your ass, SAS or not!

-no nickname

Kid #8 - Cody Cooper

-age 14 (birthday is June 30)

-Mother is Destiny Moore (second Affair)

-eight grade - middle school

-best friends are Nathan Dixon and Theo Wilson

-black hair and bright green eyes; hasn't hit that growth spurt yet, athletic looking

-seriously active: he runs, he breathes karate, he plays soccer, always moving

-no nickname

Kid #9 - Asher Cooper

-age 12 (birthday is November 12)

-Mother is Destiny Moore

-sixth grade (just started middle school)

-best friends are Dakota Manning (that's a boy, FYI), Joshua David (that's Daveed), and Kaitlyn Franks

-red hair and green eyes; he's a little minnie-punk... but never say that minnie part to his face, cuz those studs are HARD!

-likes pranks like Sim and Levi, but he's also all 'I'm cool, and I don't care'... careful to watch his curfew

-his friends call him 'Ash'... we don't.

Kid #10 - George Cooper

-age 10 (birthday is April 1)

-Mother is Leah Hulbert (they got back together)

-fourth grade (primary school)

-best friends are Zack LeBlanc, Willy Michaels, and Simon Viera (Allie Viera's cousin, btw)

-brown hair and blue eyes; he's only ten, so he's pretty short

-loves pranks, probably because he looks up to Sim and Levi

-no nickname, except for the occassionally playful 'Georgie', but he hates that

Kid #11 - Aaron Cooper

-age 8 (birthday is July 1)

-Mother is Leah Hulbert

-second grade (primary school)

-best friend is Zander Reva

-brown hair and brown eyes; also rather short

-loves pranks, most certainly because he worships George

-no nickname

Kid #12 - Joseph Cooper

-age 5 (birthday is March 19)

-Mother is Rachel Stevens (whom my father referred to as 'the only woman I ever loved' during his wedding vows... way to go dad)

-kindergarten

-friends with Keva Shimsky

-blonde hair and blue eyes

-has a tendency to follow others around... but you've already noticed that, haven't you:)

-everybody calls him Joey

Kid #13 - Benjamin Cooper

-age 3 (birthday is December 20)

-Mother is Rachel Stevens (she died giving birth to him)

-preschool

-not really at that 'friends' point, but at home he's always with Asher

-blonde hair and blue eyes

-no hobbies yet... has a thing for Scooby Doo movies, though

-we call him Ben

Oh, FYI, Leah Hulbert is a journalist here in London... she hates all the kids that aren't hers, and her own kids don't like her much...

Bella Sloah is an actress in Hollywood... we never see her

Destiny Moore works for a UN Rep... she's okay, but not around much

Rachel Stevens was very nice, but she died

WELL THERE IT IS... I KNOW IT'S A LOT, BUT I HAD TO PUT IT DOWN SOMEWHERE, OR ELSE I'D FORGET IT ALL TOO!!!

After reading through the whole folder, Wolf sighed and went to bed.

That file was even more depressing than Cub's.

And that's saying something.

* * *

Well there ya have it, chapter three!!! Thanks so much to everyone that's reviewed, it really helps me a lot to hear from you guys! Oh, and if anybody wan't to help me deside, I have a dilemma:

SHOULD THE KIDS MEET K UNIT'S GIRLFRIENDS? IF YES THEN HOW SO? SHOULD THE GIRLFRIENDS BE ALLOWED TO "SLEEP OVER"???

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!


	4. Gotcha

"Hello?"

"Um, hi... This is going to sound really weird, but do you know a guy named Wolf?"

"Who is this?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line.

"Alex. _Do_ you?"

"Do I what?"

"Know Wolf?"

"Yeah."

"Is he there?"

"...Yeah..."

"Can I talk to him?"

Dinah was sitting inbetween Wolf and Asher, waiting for Jude's Saturday afternoon soccer game to start. Giving the phone a weird look, she handed it calmly to the bodyguard.

"Who is it?"

"Alex."

"You know Alex?"

"Nope"

Wolf put the phone to his ear.

"Alex? How did you get this number?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"No, not really. What's up?"

"What did you need the Cooper file for?"

"Hey, I thought we agreed on no questions!"

"Yeah, that was before I get back to school and all I hear is rumors about the Cooper family, and how they now have four soldiers living with them! _What the hell is going on?_"

Wolf sighed.

"Look, Alex, this isn't a good time, can I talk to you about this later?"

"When and where?"

"Lunch tomorrow, the spagetti place from that drop-off last fall."

"Fine, but I expect answers, Wolf."

"You always do."

Wolf ended the call, and handed the cell phone back to Dinah. Now, you know how when you're sitting next to someone who's talking on a cell phone, and you can totally hear what the person on the other end is saying? Yep, that was Dinah. She was really intrigued, but would have let it go, if not for that comment about the Cooper file.

Why had some kid been able to give Wolf a file on her dad? He must have some sort of connection with MI6, which meant that he probably knew what was really going on (MI6 had been typically vague when talking to the Cooper children about their father's whereabouts).

For some random kid to somehow get her cell number, he had to be smart. But not that smart, since the caller log on Dinah's phone told her that he'd called from a house in Chelsea.

* * *

Dinah played with the idea of calling the mysterious Alex for the entire soccer game - which Jude won, by the way, earning himself numerous high fives and three phone numbers. Sim and Levi had long ago learned to judge how well Jude had played by how many girls gave him their numbers after the game. His personal record was eleven after last years district championship game.

That night, while helping Danny cook dinner, she considered following Wolf to "the spagetti place", but admitted that tailing an elite soldier was probably not the best way to go with this.

Of course, she though, while eating dinner, she could just ask Wolf out right what was going on. However, since he hadn't mentioned the phone call at all, she figured he wouldn't answer her anyway.

* * *

She ended up doing nothing, and was still thinking about it the next day at school. The only option she could come up with was telling Sim and Levi, but she knew by now that they'd just go with the riskiest (and most likely stupidest) option that she'd come up with yet. Not a good idea.

Her best friends, Violet and Shiori, walked up to her as she stood at her locker, just staring at the books.

"What's going on with you?" Violet asked after a moment.

"Nothin'" Dinah replied automatically, without even breaking her stare. Maybe Danny could help. He was certainly more sensible that Sim and Levi, though he lacked the instictive cunning that she needed for this. Shiori suddenly perked up.

"You guys won't believe it. I was in the office this morning, when Parker Hipp came in to talk to the principle. He is _soo_ hot. What are you laughing at?"

Dinah shook her head. Sorry, you lose that awe of Parker Hipp when you can remember him in diapers. Parker and Jude had been best friends since before they could talk, meeting at some sort of new mothers play group.

"What were you doing in the office, anyway?" Violet asked Shiori.

"Well, my Interprative Dance class was cancelled since Miss Botger broker her collar bone last week. Most of us have been shifted around to different study halls, but I got stuck as office aid. It's so boring. But, if Parker keeps on coming in, it won't be so bad..."

Shiori and Violet broke off into giggles.

"What was he there for, anyway?" Violet asked finally.

"Oh, he didn't show up for two days last week, and Principle Ackerman wanted to make sure there wasn't a problem or anything. Apparently he's been paranoid about absences lately. Some kid keeps on getting sick, and the principle's convinced he's really skipping."

Dinah froze.

_"Yeah, that was before I get back to school and all I hear is rumors about the Cooper family, and how they now have four soldiers living with them! What the hell is going on?"_

Alex went to her school. And he'd been absent lately.

"Shiori, can you do me a huge favor?"

"...Sure..." her friend replied, confused by Dinah's sudden outburst.

"Can you check the attendance records from last week?"

"Are you kidding? Do you know how much trouble I could get in???"

"Hey, you owe me!"

"Do not!"

"Yeah, you do! Who helped you pass that biology final?"

"Well, who got you that CD before it was released to the public?"

"Who drove you to the hospital at three in the morning?"

"Sim did."

"Yeah, but only because I made him."

"Fine, but who lent you that three hundred dollars?"

"Hey, I paid you back!"

"Not the point!"

"Fine. Who got you a date with Jude?"

"Are you kidding? He took me out for nachos!"

"Not my fault my brother's a jerk. You only liked him because you thought he was cute, anyway!"

"Allright! I'll do it! What am I looking for, anyway?"

"Any boy named Alex who's been absent last week."

* * *

The next morning, Shiori bounced up to Dinah at lunch.

"I found him."

"Found who?"

"Absent Alex."

"Who is it?"

"There was only one, so I'm sure. It's some froshman named Alex Rider. He's actually absent a lot. He's probably the one that's making Principle Ackerman so paranoid. I should thank him."

"Alex Rider..."

_**Gotcha.**_


	5. ONE MORE ANGEL

**Hey everybody. Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I'm just here to warn you that I probably still won't update for a while.**

**Today we had to put my dog, Abby, to sleep. She's lived with us for 10 years, and frankly, if I tried to post anything now, it would all be horribly depressing.**

**So I won't.**

**Also, I'm leaving on the eleventh for a three week vacation, so here's the deal:**

**1) I'll have at least one really long update on each of my stories by the 5th.**

**2) I won't be able to update again until the 21st at the earliest.**

**3) When I do update, they'll be nice and long, and inspired, since vacations always do that.**

**So sorry, but that's the way it is, you know?**

**Oh, and if you could all send prayers, or good thoughts, or do some sort of native rain dance, or however you personally grieve, for the late great Abby. She was dumb as a post but she had a heart of gold.**

**Now, I gotta go before I start crying again.**

**Shit... too late.**


	6. How Can I Help You?

I'd like to take this opportunity to sincerely thank all those who offered condolences after my last update. It really meant a lot to log on and find all those messages of support and comfort. Therefor, this chapter is dedicated to Abby, and: Unheard Battle Cry, hunter, ShalBrenfan, 4supernaturalgirl, and RID3RLVR. Thanks so much you guys!

**Disclaimer:** I'm pretty sure it's been established that Anthony Horowitz owns Alex Rider and all those characters. As I heard no mention of any Cooper family in his books, I feel it's safe to claim them as my own. Take _that_, Walker Books Inc.!

* * *

It took Dinah ten minutes to find Oscar at lunch. Of course, this probably had something to do with the fact that Oscar was always sitting with his best friend Allie, who habitually died her hair blue whenever her natural brown started to peek through at the roots. Blue haired froshmen are few and far between, so Dinah was really looking for Allie, not Oscar. 

When she found the two, she sat down (without being asked. I mean, come on, she's his sister, and they're just froshies, she didn't need to be asked).

"Hi!" Allie greeted brightly.

"Yeah, hi. Listen, which one's Alex Rider?"

Oscar looked at her strangely. "Why do you need Alex?" he asked, a little suspiciously.

"I need to ask him a few questions about his family's all."

"Oh, Dinah, I wouldn't do that," Allie said, her smile fading. "He's an orphan. He lived with his uncle, but then he died too about a year ago. It was so sad."

Dinah was confused. "So, who does he live with now?" she asked.

"Some American girl. I think she's technically his housekeeper, but she's all he's got left. Sad, huh?"

"Yeah..." Dinah swore under her breath. There went her "family member in MI6" theory. Of course, this only made her more desperate to find out how Alex Rider was able to get his hands on her dad's file.

"Anyway, which one is he?"

Allie looked at her reproachfully. "You promise you won't bug him about his family?" she asked. Dinah nodded impatiently.

"He's the blond kid sitting next to the guy in the green hoodie, Di" Oscar said, gesturing his head helpfully.

"Thanks guys," Dinah said, then stood up and walked away from where they'd said Alex was.

Oscar and Allie watched her go in confusion.

"What d'you think she wants Alex for?" Allie asked.

Oscar shrugged helplessly. "I dunno. I gave up on understanding Di years ago. Family or no, she's still a girl..." Oscar trailed off when he saw the murderous look on Allie's face. "N-not that there's anything, you know, _wrong_ with that... I mean, girls are, you know, naturally... um, better at everything and stuff, right?"

Allie rolled her eyes. "Points for the compliment, but your horrible delivery hurt your score. I'd give it a solid six."

Oscar muttered (quietly) about the dangers of female moodswings.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere in Boston, USA, Belinda Juarez was waiting for the arrival of her sometimes-partner Drake Bowen. Both were eager to complete this job for The Snake, their employer, but they had very diferent ways of showing. Belinda became coldly efficient, while Drake went on as if nothing unusual was happening. 

Like now. The idiotic man was escorting one of The Snake's greatest liabilities, and he was seventeen minutes late. If it had been anyone other than Bowent, Belinda would have been worried that something had gone wrong. But not with Drake Bowen. The man would be late to his own funeral.

Of course, realistically, he could afford to relax a little. This was, while etremely important, a relatively easy job. They just had to get the man from Boston to London. According to The Snake, who had yet to be wrong about this type of thing, nobody was looking for this man. His company (which was code for government inteligence... judging from the man's accent, most likely MI6) knew he was missing, but wasn't wasting the time or manpower to find him. Apparently they hadn't quite absorbed the severity of the situation. Ah well, hopefully it would come to them soon.

Finally, he appeared, leading the disheveled, confused, "guest". The scientists at Sierpe had really outdone themselves this time. Having spent the last eleven years working with the notorious Mustard Gas of World War One, the chemists had found a way to develop it to the point of perfection. Gone were the painful blisters, and the internal bleeding. Even the vomiting was down to a minimum. These painful side-effects weren't actually gone, but postponed until the third or fourth week of infection. It still blinded its victim from the start, which was wonderful for kidnapping situations.

Of course, it was still lethal, so the victim would only live for four or five weeks. That is, if he didn't cooperate and earn an injection of the newly developed antidote.

Oh yes, Jacob Cooper had better cooperate soon, or he was in for a _very_ nasty shock.

* * *

Dinah found Jude rather quickly, as he was in his usual throne-like lunch table at the center of the junior courtyard. He was absent-mindedly talking with Parker and Brad, while staring (_ahem_ I'm sorry, I meant glaring) At Courtney Allaway, who was sitting on the grass on the other side of the courtyard.

"Hey, Jude" Dinah sang, knowing he hated references to the Beetles song that bore his name. Of course, she needed his help, so maybe pissing him off wasn't the best way to go...

"What do you want, Dinah?" he asked, irritated.

"I need you to scare someone for me." Dinah told him straight out.

"Aw, is the tennis team giving you a hard time again?" Brad asked with a grin.

She shot him a glare.

"I thought this was what the bodyguards were for." Parker pointed out.

"Yeah, well, I don't think they'd have the desired effect on this kid." Dinah explained. "So are you gonna come with me or not, Jude?"

Jude sighe theatrically. "Fine, if you insist. See you guys later," he said, taking his backpack with him, in case lunch ended before he could get back.

"So, who is it?" he asked as they walked.

* * *

In four cars outside four schools, the four members of K unit sat chatting into their newly-acquired earpieces. They'd given some sort of "greater communication equals greater protection" bull to the MI6 supply guy. Of course, in reality, sitting in a car by yourself for six hours was just plain boring. Much better if you could talk while you were there. 

Although, after the first three and a half hours, they'd run out of things to talk about. So, now Snake was listening to some talk radio thing about the moral implications of the current fight against terrorism. Eagle was singing one of the moronic never ending songs. Wolf was reading over the files Cub had given him... again. And, judging from the sounds coming over the earpiece, Fox was... flirting?

"Hey, Fox, focus, okay?" Wolf said into his mike. All he got in reply was:

_"Yeah, I totally know what you mean. It's impossible to go to any South Indian restaurant and order something without coconut oil. You get a much better variety witht the North Indian cuisine."_

_"Definately, I mean, I don't always feel like curry, you know? I need some choices."_

_The girl laughed._

_"So, I know a really nice North Indian restaurant in Chelsea, if you're interested..."_

_"Yeah, I think that'd be great. Here's my number..."_

Wolf shook his head. Leave it to Fox to get a date while on duty.

"Fox" he barked once the girl had gone.

"Sorry, Wolf. I can't help it if the ladies think I'm _foxy_."

"Oh, that has got to the the most horrible pun I've ever heard you say. And you've had some bad ones," Eagle groaned over his earpiece.

"Guys, do you mind?" Snake practically whined. "They're about to interview Walter Wolfgang."

* * *

After Dinah explained the whole story, starting with Wolf's mysterious phone call, Jude was much more enthusiastic. 

They walked up to Alex's table, purposefully not looking over where they knew Oscar and Allie were sitting.

Dinah sat down across from Alex comfortably, while Jed placed his hands on the table and leaned down, it a surprisingly intimidating highschool version of good-cop/bad-cop.

Of course, they'd used this routine many times when punishing one (or two) or the younger Cooper children. They rarely had to use it on those outside their family.

"Can we talk to Alex?" Dinah asked the kid in hoodie.

"You can try," he shot back, smirking.

Jude arched his eyebrows, not smiling at all, and just stared at him.

The kid smiled nervously. "Yeah, bye Alex," he gushed, and practically ran away.

"Bye Tom," Alex said quietly, watching his retreating friend in amusement. He then turned to the brother and sister.

"How can I help you?" he asked calmly.

* * *

Okay, so that was it until the 23, I think. I know it seems a little slow, but I swear it's just the calm before the storm.

In fact, just as a sort of incentive to remember me during the next 2 weeks, here's what I promise will happen by the next update:

**1)** Everyone will meet Alex.

**2)** Gun shots will be heard, and bullets will be dodged.

**3)** Joey will learn a new word from Eagle.

**4)** Dinah and four of her siblings will meet the infamous Alan Blunt.

And, just to keep _you_ busy, I have a couple things I'd like you to put in your reviews:

**1)** Should Alex and Dinah eventually get together (I'm violently opposed to Mary Sues, but I think I could manage realistic relationship between the two...)

**2)** Should I focus more on the mystery with Jacob Cooper's disappearance, the friendships, fights, and romances of the Cooper children, or the akwardness of living with four members of the SAS?

**3)** I just made The Snake up on the spot... any character suggestions would be most appreciated!!!

**Thanks, and have a great 2 weeks!!!**


End file.
